


Visions of Home

by peachsmoothie



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Depersonalization, Dissociation, all i know is axel isn't there anymore and saix feels more lonely than ever, i like to headcanon isa with the identity disorder i have ok, idk after axel leaves ig, implied isa/lea at least, let's pretend i have an idea of when this takes place, xigbar cameo ig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 07:25:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19901989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsmoothie/pseuds/peachsmoothie
Summary: Saix's dissociative episode causes him to have a vivid flashback of his past, back when things were simpler.





	Visions of Home

**Author's Note:**

> hey peach here, just a disclaimer that i suffer from dissociation and depersonalization and this is based on my own experiences, this is in no way how everyone experiences dissociation and depersonalization.

The beeping of the alarm clock slowly pulled Saix out of his dreams. Rolling over, he looked around the grey room, trying to piece together what is reality and what was a dream. Laughter echoed in his mind, memories from long ago tugging at his brain, begging him to return to sleep for the sake of remembering. He sighed, rubbing sleep and tears from his eyes, and reached for the alarm clock. It was a grating beep, and always left him in a sour mood; partly because of the annoying sound, and partly because of the annoying memory of how he received the clock and who it was who gave it to him. He tapped the button on the clock, silencing it and the memories.

  
The bedside table was otherwise empty besides scattered sticky notes. “Brush teeth.” “Wash face.” “Comb hair.” “Shower.” Notes that had been left as reminders for himself, simple tasks that were often forgotten in the face of nothingness. Saix had never really had a sense of self, even when he had a heart, and often struggled to take care of himself. Remembering that he was a person - or not really a person - was difficult for him, and he often found himself having to leave notes as reminders that there are things a person or not-person must do in order to care for oneself. Of course, it hadn’t always been his own reminders.

  
Saix trudged his way to the shared bathroom near his bedroom, his brain still foggy. The door was open, meaning no one was inside already. He closed the door behind him and locked it, hoping to keep out any prying eyes. He tried to go over the list in his mind as he approached the sink, but the list was already slipping away in the fog. Grabbing the sides of the sink, he shook his head violently, grinding his teeth as his face contorted into a grimace. He looked up at the mirror, and a whisper escaped his lips - “Oh no”.

Suddenly, as if he were transported back in time, he was in his home in Radiant Garden. He was still gripping the sides of the sink, looking into the mirror, but something had changed - he was Isa again; young, glowing, feeling whole and complete and full of life. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of his reflection.

“Yo, Isa!”

A familiar voice snapped him out of the staring contest with his reflection. He turned to face the person who had called his name. In the doorway stood Lea, his Lea, smiling from ear to ear, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Come on, dude. I told ya, you gotta brush your teeth still. No leaving until you finish everything on your list.”

“My… list…” Isa breathed.

“Every item!” Lea practically sang. “What ever would you do without me?”

“I… don’t know.”

Somehow, Lea’s smile widened. “Man, what am I gonna do with you?”

“What, indeed,” Isa said, a slight smile forming on his lips.

Saix snapped back to reality suddenly. He was back in the Castle That Never Was, as Saix. Despite the lack of a heart, his chest felt hollow, as if he was feeling again. Feeling guilt, deep sadness, and remorse. He gripped his undershirt over his heart and wiped away tears with his other hand. What on earth? These hallucinations are getting more and more vivid.

A knock at the door chased away those feelings, as if they were scared of anyone else seeing them. Saix turned to the door. Lea? The lock did little to bar whoever it was, because after a few seconds of jimmying, the door swung open.

“Move!” Xigbar practically shouted. “I need to piss, and Xemnas is still hogging our bathroom.” He shoved past Saix, slamming him into the sink.

For a brief moment, Saix saw a flicker of Isa back in his reflection.


End file.
